Day 39 // A little less Hot, Humid, and Homesick

More than a month has passed since I left for Bangkok. It's hard to believe I've been teaching for four weeks. It feels like just yesterday I was curled up in a ball on my bed crying about how hard this all is.

But it's not really hard anymore. The storm has settled and things are proving to be more comfortable. 

It's still really freaking hot, but a tad cooler than the week I arrived. 90 degrees now feels like acceptable weather, since it's a cool relief in comparison to the 100+ and NO A/C ANYWHERE from the first couple weeks. I now know how much water to drink so I don't want to kill myself in the sticky, stagnate classrooms. And I've found a new community of people in Chiang Rai to spend time with.

Local Love
We explored Chiang Rai last weekend since our plans to go to Chiang Mai failed when we didn't buy our bus tickets soon enough. Friday night Rachael and I sought out a restaurant, Lung Eed, that apparently has the best Lop Gai (minced chicken) in the north. Halfway in to our meal, and older man came and chatted with us in broken English. The casual conversation turned into him grabbing a chair and sitting down, and he ordered another beer for us. Not a few moments later he grabbed my arm and told me "You remind me of my daughters!" And insisted that he buy our meal. We tried to politely tell him no, but he made sure he paid. He slammed down a shot of whiskey, walked away slightly toasted, and got in his car after saying goodbye multiple times. It was a moment of pure generosity and kindness, and we got a free meal out of it!

After we ate we wanted to find the Clock Tower and began walking. Our new friend from the restaurant drove past us and honked, then turned around and opened the doors to his car. We caught a ride to the Clock Tower and he let us out, calling us daughters again. Rachael and I found a bar that had a happy hour, but the two beautiful bartenders had no idea how to make anything. Definitely was looking more and more like one of those bars... This didn't stop Rachael and she actually went behind the bar with the short Thai ladies to grab the bottles from the back and show them how to make a Long Island Iced Tea. We enjoyed a few drinks and chatted with the bartenders, and they explained that they have only been working for a couple weeks. Of course...that's why they don't know what a Rum & Coke is...

We walked a few feet to the Peace Bar where we enjoyed live music and the company of other expats who all spoke English. I grabbed the number of the guitar player in hopes to sing with their band in the coming weeks. All of us drank beer in the rasta themed bar and exchanged stories of teaching and advice on traveling. Midnight crept upon us and the bar needed to close. The taxi company wouldn't send a car our way and a local older man, Add, offered to drive us home. He had been playing his guitar the whole night with such dedication he would up breaking a string. He grabbed his wounded guitar and took us home. The amount of love and gratitude the Thai's give is outstanding.

Feeling at home
The school is beginning to feel like a part of me as the days go by. On Wednesday night we walked around campus and ran into all of the students making these beautiful creations out of plants and flowers. They smiled and waved to us as we walked by, and explained they were making offerings to the teachers for tomorrow. Thursday was a teacher appreciation ceremony in which the students offer these beautiful flower creations to the teachers as a thank you and a representation of their knowledge and time in school.

Spending just an hour or so walking around and having them smile for my photos yelling HI TEACHA was one of the most gratifying moments I've had here. It feels so special to be a part of their lives.

Made from individual rose petals.

Dying the flowers.

A "snake"

Day 21 // Holding Every Moment Sacred

This weekend in Chiang Rai marked a glorious reunion with two of my college friends, Max Honch and Emma Terry, and it could not have come at a better time.

Max Honch graduated alongside myself and has called Thailand home for the past two years teaching English in Chaing Mai. As he was planning the trip, I remember how envious I was of him when we would carpool together to our internship for a local newspaper in Tacoma. He left shortly after we graduated in May and this weekend was the first time I have seen him since. He wound up staying for an extra year to continue teaching before he moves to Bainbridge Island this August to pursue a Masters in Teaching.

Emma Terry, also known as my better half/sister/goddess/partner-in-crime/bestest friend in the world, left for India last August to become a real life gypsy and blow where the wind takes her. She landed in Auroville, India to learn organic farming, then fluttered off to Goa for a Tantric Yoga retreat, and now she stopped by Thailand to learn Thai Massage, finding many other magical places along the way.

Max arrived with his delightful girlfriend Sarah, and they both kept me laughing all night at dinner with their hilarious stories of teaching Thai students the past two years. Apparently I haven't seen a crazy group of kids until they try lighting the classroom on fire, seriously. Max, you have my utmost respect for handling that situation.

Max and Sarah both can speak, read, and write basic Thai. It's amazing what two years immersed in a new culture and some basic classes can get you, and apparently the language isn't as intimidating as I thought. I was overwhelmed by their skill and even more impressed when they ordered food for us that I have yet to try: Peanut curry, spicy mango salad, and stir fried morning glory. Oh my word, the food here can make any bad day into a good one.

Emma's arrival brought tears of joy to my eyes and I had a hard time believing I was embracing my closest sister in Thailand. 7,500 miles away from where we said goodbye 9 months ago. She arrived with her gypsy, wanderlust travel companion Laila, who's sea-foam green eyes and bejeweled auburn hair absolutely entranced me when I first met her. To call her stunning wouldn't do enough justice.

The 5 of us embarked on a whirlwind weekend, including my first motorbike riding experience, a successful search for a waterfall, the most delicious food I've yet to eat, and late nights enjoying the coup's curfew drinking beer on a kitschy rasta themed hostel deck.

Lunch on at Chiang Rai Beach

Max's tattoo: "Sticky Rice" in Thai ... with some sticky rice

Chiang Rai Beach Huts

Chiang Rai Beach Huts

Chiang Rai Beach Huts

The "Beach"

The trek to the waterfall 

Swimming with the local village kids

Reunited with my sister!!

So much happiness!

Obviously we needed to do cobra pose. 

Needless to say these people are incredibly inspiring and have brought me the pieces of home I was missing so dearly. Seeing the two of them and their counterparts helped ground me in so many ways, and reminded me how good travel and change are for your soul. If those depressing and soul crushing lows didn't happen, everyone would be out doing things like this with no second thought. But you get up again the next morning and look back on the person you were a couple days ago and see how much you've grown.

In one week I already feel like a completely different person from that girl sobbing into her pillow curled up in bed thinking I made a huge mistake because everything was so "uncomfortable." It's almost comical to look back on how badly I was freaking out my first night here. Now I'm training my brain to be filled with encouraging positive thoughts and remembering to live in the present space. I've made it my mission to do one thing every day for me to nourish my mind and my spirit. From yoga to meditation or just an extra long shower, I will spend time engaging in an activity and fully experiencing it. I will honor the present moment instead of obsessing on how many days I have left. Because when this experiences is all over, I can never get it back again.

Day 16 // Surviving the first Days of School

Living in Thailand is rapidly growing on me.

Maybe it's the fact I've learned to order "not spicy" food in Thai (mai phet), maybe it's because I can afford everything, maybe it's the sweet monsoons that have cooled down the oppressive weather, or maybe it's the children.

I've found a cafe of my dreams.

Thai Iced Tea at Chivit Thamma Da

Pastry counter at Chivit Thamma Da

Fireplace at Chivit Tamma Da

My school is beautiful, and has a perfect view of the sunset every night. 

Princess Chulabhorn's College at Chiang Rai

The market half a mile away from school has some amazing tea, coffee, and fresh foods. 

The walk home is littered with beautiful greenery and adorable homes.

 And did I mention how beautiful the school is?

Small temple by the front of school.

Front of school.

Students shoes, they have to take them off every time they go inside. It's the most precious sight to see a couple hundred shoes lying everywhere!

All I can say is the every day is showing me something new about my time here in Thailand, especially about who I am as a person.

I am stubborn, I like routine, I am cranky, I am imbalanced, I hate the heat, I hate language barriers, I don't like spicy food, and I don't like change. 

But it's amazing what happens when you are thrown into a world where all of the things that make you comfortable are taken away because you wanted them to be. The change becomes your new comfort. I have become less of all the things listed above, although slowly (it's only been two weeks). But I already see a change, and it is reflected in the new developing love I have for myself.

A lesson on adapting is good for everyone. Two weeks in and I can live in 100+ degree humid as hell weather, teach a bunch of Thai children with absolutely no qualifications to do so. While I may have cried for almost 3 days at the beginning thinking I can't, I got back up. And because of that, I think I can do pretty much anything.

Day 14 // Going with the Flow

Right before my first class on Monday I anxiously sat at my desk and peered at the clock. 11:45am. My first class was at noon. "Should I head to class now?" I asked Monique. She giggled and shook her head.

Apparently the appropriate time to leave for your class is after the bell rings.

So...after class starts. Which may or may not ring on time anyway. Or may not ring at all. Monique explained time is really no concept in Thailand. You just go at a comfortable pace and show up when you are meant to. I made my way to the 4th floor (no A/C in the room = kill me now) and took a moment to catch my breath. My heart wasn't going to slow down because this was the first time I am entering a classroom as a teacher. Holy crap. Amy Skinner, a teacher. Doesn't look right to me. But all be damned if it is.

Now I definitely understand the concept of the first class being guinea pigs...you test out all your material and timing on them. Much to my dismay my totally perfect 50 minute lesson plan was more like a 25 minute block of me talking to a group of wide eyed and terrified 7th graders. Uhhhh now what? ....Hangman deserves it's own award in the world of beginning teachers. Talk about a life saver.

A beautiful thing about this culture is the acknowledgment of saving face. The students aren't going to judge you for a crappy lesson plan or FAR too many hangman games, or even stumbling on your words. It's not part of their culture to inflict shame or embarrassment on one another.

Most of my anxiety stems from threatening social situations where I could be perceived in a negative way or embarrassed, but I have yet to experience that here.

It's entirely fueled by my own insecurities when I am nervous about teaching. Granted I am holding myself to a certain standard on this job I took across the world, but the kids and the coordinators aren't going to make me feel like shit if I decided to show a movie all of class because I didn't prepare enough.

So here's to going with the flow and just calming down. It's not going to be the end of the world if I have a bad lesson or some kid behaves badly in class. Life just goes on.

Sunset over school

Day 13 // Preparing for School

Anxiety is too real sometimes.
Saturday I had a unwanted experience with a panic/anxiety attack, and found myself hyperventilating in a taxi cab on the way home after overheating at the Walking Street. At the moment it was truly terrifying and upsetting, but a few days later (and a hospital visit - everything is just fine), I am feeling much better. I think my nerves got the best of me and my body couldn't handle it. Since word traveled fast in the English department, we are now keeping the Air Conditioning on all the time because they keep telling me they don't want me to get "heat sick" again! I'll take it.

Now I'm trying to soak it all in.
Rachael and I spent most of Sunday at an adorable cafe called Doi Chaang Coffee House. More resembling a tree house hidden in the city of Chiang Rai, this coffee shop was constructed with salvaged wood and long viney plants wrapped around everything they could latch to.

A couple hours there turned into a nap on the corner couch for me, then we wandered around the city. Our feet led us to Wat Jed Yod by the clock tower. Subtlety isn't found in these buddhist temples. They sparkle to all of your senses and leave you begging your eyes to take in more.

Thunder began booming and the rains came in heavy. I must have looked like the silliest "farang" with my arms spread out and my head back enjoying the water cooling off the hot earth. Tacoma trained me well for this weather.

Day 11 // A Lesson in Slowing Down

This new culture has already brought me a lot of self awareness, particularly shedding light on how uptight I really am. 

In Thailand, punctuality and efficiency are not stressed, nor really acknowledged. I find myself wanting to know everything regarding my schedule and my curriculum, but nobody will give it to me because they really don't know and they don't seem to worry about it. I quickly noticed I ask WAY too many questions, and it seems to come off as annoying and irrelevant.

I have to sit in my office from 8am to 4:30pm after scanning my fingerprint at the front of the school, then sit at my desk and "lesson plan" all day. The problem is, I have no idea what I'm doing, or how to teach, and I figure the best way to learn is to just jump in an do it. Since we don't start teaching until Monday, I have a lot of down time. So right now I have my week one lesson plan for all 16 of my classes taken care of, pretty much an introduction lesson about myself. So far my 8 hour "work day" is more of a time to play on the computer, and everyone else does it too. There are a couple women in the department who are the head English teachers and they work ALL day. The other teachers giggle and shake their heads saying they work too hard, "like Westerners." The rest of us are on Facebook, reading articles, playing games on our computers, and nobody really cares.

We took a "short" lunch today, an hour and a half. One of the English teachers took us to one of her favorite spots in town and drove us in her air-conditioned car (thank the gods). She ordered for us, making sure to get me something not too spicy (yes I am still a wimp give me more time) and some Thai coffee (recipe: cup of sugar with a splash of coffee and evaporated milk). For 6 bowls of noodles and 5 Thai coffees it cost us 250 baht, roughly 8$, and the food was better than any Thai food I've had in the states.

Lunch Time: Ramen noodles with Pork

We pile back into the car and drive past the plethora of rice paddies that make up green Chaing Rai and arrive back at school. Even the pace of walking is slower in Thailand. My short legs propelled me faster and further than all my peers, and I found myself looking back on how slow they were walking.

Then I thought, "What is my hurry?"

Maybe it's because it's a bagillion degrees and I wanted some sweet cool air from the English room, but then I realized there IS no hurry. No one was worried to make the lunch break in a certain time, they were simply enjoying each other's company on the slow walk back to the school. I then evaluated how I normally go about my day in the states: I was always in a hurry to get to my car, to park where I can find the best spot, to speed my walk up to a brisk pace as I walk into work and immediately start working. It's like my body is trying to prove how hard I am working by how fast I'm moving.

But here, there is no rush, there is no stress in the air. Everyone is enjoying each individual moment, and that's what us Westerners seem to miss quite often. 

In the States we seem to worry about what has happened or what will happen, never the sweet relief of the present moment. Because in this exact moment, nothing is wrong, everything just is. And stressing about what isn't or what will be or what has happened is just denying what is. And once you accept that, everything is already okay.

Here's hoping the pace of Thailand will slow me down and help me appreciate the beauty of the present. I'm definitely trying to accept this.

Week Three of TEFL Classes // 30 days to Thailand

Using Stress as Your Friend

I'm getting into a much better rhythm with this course work and pre-trip anxiety. I feel it fueling me to do my absolute best on this class to make sure I don't screw up when I fly half way across the world to do a job I have zero experience with. The stress before this trip reminds me of a TED Talk I watched months ago that claims stress can be our friend. Goes against everything we've learned about stress and anxiety in our lives right? We've always been told stress will lead to a plethora of health problems and potentially kill us prematurely. Kelly McGonigal tells us in her video to use the cues we get from feeling stressed out (pounding heart, breathing faster) and view them as helpful, as preparing our body to face the challenge before us. She explains most of the premature deaths and ailments caused by stressed are actually caused by the belief that stress is bad for you. When you change your mind about stress, you can change your body's reaction to stress.

It's a really spectacular thing to reframe your understanding of stress in the moments it hits you, and it's not as easy as it sounds. I'm trying my best to use all the energy swirling inside me that is trying to send up red flags as my body prepping for this once in a life time adventure. It's also incredibly cathartic to write it all out. So maybe this can be a little piece of information to help anyone feeling stressed out, and use it as your friend.

Check out the video:

5 Things I'm Freaking Out About Before Moving to Thailand

I'm guiding this blog in a new direction. Before it was my feeble attempt to create a small business online and share my deep introspective thoughts about finding my path in life. Well now it's my typical travel blog for my loved ones to keep them in touch and make sure I made it safely across the world and didn't get fired for breaking something my first day teaching. So today on this cloudy and chilly Thursday afternoon in Tacoma, I am mulling over the 5 things I'm freaking out about before moving:

1. This TEFL Course...

I have found very little blog posts or personal stories about teachers doing a Teach Abroad program and failing miserably at the teaching part, so that's a good sign right? Truth be told, the moving across the world part is overwhelmingly exciting to me, but I am STRESSING OUT about the teaching part. Especially knowing I have to write my own lesson plans and convince a class of 30+ students to be stoked about English.

But with all the anxiety and stress of starting a new job teaching (with virtually no qualifications other than this intense TEFL course and being fluent I guess), these are the moments and adventures that make you develop personally whether you want to or not. And this new job I am prepping for more intensely than I have any other job, so I know I'm doing my best in the present moment.

2. What do I do with all of my things?

I may live in a studio apartment but good lord do I have a lot of crap. And things I don't necessarily need, but are more "nesting" items than anything. So while I don't need all the adorable things I'm currently surrounding myself with; a brightly colored serape blanket, a tiny hand painted elephant, eucalyptus leaves in old wine bottles, feathers and doilies, I want to keep them all. My time in Thailand will truly teach me how to live minimally, and I will embrace that with open arms. My only question now is how much of this stuff do I really need. And by need I mean really really want. Time for some soul searching, Amy.

3. The weather change

I grew up in the toasty, yet dry, Arizona desert, so I've experienced my fair share of warm weather. My only experiences with humid and scorching temperatures (like Thailand) was a brief trip to New Orleans in July. The best way to describe Louisiana in the dead of summer was that the moment I walked out of the beautiful, fresh, crisp hotel lobby into the streets of the French Quarter, I immediately wanted to run back inside and take a cold shower. I was sticky, my skin had started sweating with out my awareness, and I had already pitted out my t-shirt. So this move to Thailand will help my embrace that weather, and my uncontrollable sweating. Because mother nature is going to win this fight. Note to self: pack black t-shirts. 

4. Making friends

I believe this to be an innate fear whenever we are uprooted and start fresh. A community or a tribe is so important to our well being and happiness. I know I won't be traveling alone around South East Asia and I'm bound to make life long friends on this experience, but sometimes that voice in the back of your head that says everything you don't want it to say shouts out these things. Establishing a social circle is going to be on top of my to do list, and I know I will be working with other teachers in the same position as I am, so we will already have each other to lean on.

5. Living halfway across the world.

The initial move to Thailand and the 16 hour flight on my birthday is all adventurous and incredible, yet that voice is asking how is it truly going to be acclimating to an entirely new culture. We are creatures of comfort, especially Americans, and we have come to expect our day to day routine to follow a certain road. So while my life in Tacoma is quite comfortable and settled, I know Thailand will become my new home, it might just take a couple more days.

~

While these are all things I'm freaking out about, I can't help but be incredibly excited about the person I am going to become when I tackle all of these hurdles. These are more of stresses in the sense that I know I am going to overcome these obstacles, just getting there is the challenging part. Especially since it isn't happening yet, my brain is just in over drive.

So cheers to one more day towards May 5, the day I turn 24, and fly to a new country and become a teacher, all for the first time in my life.